"Your balls, Mr. Darcy?" "They belong to you, Miss Bennet."

For anyone who may be reading this ... I go a little nuts in this post. Spoilers will be revealed. You have been duly warned.


Just like I knew I would, I have fallen in love with Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. It basically removes every thing that I hated about the original ((which, honestly, wasn't much)), and added every thing that it had been sorely missing That is Grahame-Smith took out all the unnecessary long-windedness of Austen and got right to the point. That's not to say I think the zombies were a "missing" piece to the original novel, but I do think it was a nice touch.

Most importantly, having completed the novel, it hasn't made me favor the original work less; it makes me appreciate it more. While Grahame-Smith tries to mimic Austen's style, he doesn't quite nail it. It's kind of like reading a fanfiction. A really, really good, exceedingly funny and violent fanfiction. Still impressive, for sure. I loved and hated ((and loved to hate)) an assortment of characters in the original, and I get to do the same in this edition as well, only I get more satisfaction out of the way certain players got their comeuppance, if you will.


Elizabeth, I felt, was pretty badass in Pride and Prejudice. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind. She was smart, and witty, and impressive yet modest. And most importantly, she was not infallible. When she made a mistake, she admitted it. In and Zombies, she's still all of those things, with the exception that she wields a Katana sword. True story, and I freakin' love it. Turns out, Daddy ((who is awesome)) sent his daughters to China to learn under a Master Liu-something-or-other in the deadly arts. There they learned kickass skills to defeat the icky zombies. They are all quite impressive, and of course Elizabeth is the best. The final show down between her and Her Ladyship was brillant. Whoa.

Mr. Bennet I also enjoyed in the original, though he made me a little frustrated at times. I never understood how he could continually hold his composure in regards to that nutty woman he called a wife. She got on my ever-livin' nerves. It was funny when he'd toss out zingers that would fly over her head, but just once I wanted him to mention one that she was sure to comprehend. In this one, Mr. Bennet is decidedly blunt. I think my favorite Mr. Bennet line is when he pleads for Mrs. Bennet to "spare [him] the expense of having [her] lips sewn shut." On numerous other occassions he complains about her "prattling" while I continue to laugh. Such was the attitude he was missing in the original.

Mrs. Bennet is exactly the same. I hate her, and I love it.

Charlotte Lucas becomes a zombie. ((HA!)) She is beheaded, most honorably.

Mr. Collins is short and fat. He is continually describe as short and fat. He can't defend himself against the unmentionables. He's just as annoying as ever. He hangs himself after beheading his wife.


Lady Catherine de Bourgh is a pretty kickass old bag. She's slain 10 thousand ((maybe?)) unmentionables in her day. She has a dojo in her home, and a plethora of ninjas at her disposal. She's just as uppity as ever.

Mr. Darcy is pretty much the same. Tall, handsome, arrogant and oblivious, plus he has mad musketry skills and was educated in Japan. He, too, is a slayer of zombies. And of course, he falls in love with Elizabeth for all the same reasons as before, with the addition of her rivaling deadly arts skills. I particularly love the sparring match between the two when he proposes for the first time. It's kind of like foreplay. Mr. Darcy is also is a little less censored. He specifically tells Miss Bingley that she'd enjoy balls better if she "knew the first thing about them." Such a remark causes Elizabeth to blush and try not to laugh.

Mr. Wickham is still an epic bag of douche. She still seduces the ridiculous Lydia, and many others, leaving in his wake a trail of debts and bastards (("a bastard-maker?"- quoted from Jane Bennet)). His commeupance is the most satisfying of all, I do believe. Not only is he forced to marry Lydia, but he gets the hell beaten out of him by Darcy. He is left paralyzed and bed-ridden, where he continually soils himself. It's terrific.

As much as I enjoyed this book, I can't express enough that the original Pride and Prejudice is 10 times better. My favorite is still the former, but I do enjoy satire and this was the best. I don't mind at all that this novel is thoroughly poking fun at a classic. It just proves how influential Austen and her works have remained today.

If you love or hate Austen, I would definitely recommend this book.



**Next, I'm reading Anna Karenina. It'll be a while 'til my next post....

Love in the Time of Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies

So, Love in the Time of Cholera ... definitely not my favorite. It's not horrible, but it doesn't make me want to curl up in bed and just read for hours either. Again, it has a lot to do with the fact that I just can't get into the style of it. Marquez doesn't number his chapters, and that just annoys the hell out of me, lol. I know that's totally weird, but I like to know my progress, thanks. And every "chapter" is a-little-more-a-little-less 50 pages. I don't know why but that annoys me, too.

Oh, and he's forever using the characters first and last names: Floretino Ariza, Fermina Daza, Dr. Juvenal Urbino, over and over and over again. Why can't you just say: So, then Florentino said, "I eat orchid petals because I want to know what your scent tastes like." Fermina replies, aghast, "you're crazy!" Dr. Urbino nods gravely: "As a doctor, I am qualified in such matters. You're a loon, son."

Whatever, though. It's gonna take me a little longer to read this book ((it's only 350 pages)), I'm thinking probably another week, but I'm determined. It's really not all that bad. Sometimes I do get really into it; he is a captivating writer, but sometimes it's the little things that bother me.

Character wise, Florentino is totally a nut job. I mean, if you eat flower petals and chug perfume just to know what a chick tastes like...that's weird, dude. And Fermina is a snob ((her rejection of Florentino does make me feel sorry for the chump, but he's still nuts)). The only character I enjoying - thus far - is Urbino. He has captured most of my sympathy, and he seems...the most sane.

Anyway, so, today is Mother's Day. While I was out picking up gifts, and flowers, and cake for Mama Bear, I picked up I'll Sceam Later by Marlee Matlin ((totally stoked)) while at Target. Then my sister and I meandered over to Borders, and I found the book I have to read next. No doubt about it, once I've finished Love in the Time of Cholera, then I must read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. It's exactly as the title states: it is Pride and Prejudice with a few zombies thrown in.

I'm pretty sure it's going to kick ass. I read the author bios on the back, and I about snorted ((okay, I did snort, a lot)):

JANE AUSTEN is the author of Sense and Sensibility, Persuasion, Mansfield Park, and other masterpieces of English literature. SETH GRAHAME-SMITH once took a class in English literature.

So stoked. I'm not crazy obsessed with zombies or ninjas ((yeah, ninjas are in this book, too)) or anything, but c'mon. You have to admit that this is going to rock. I do love the Resident Evil Trilogy, but I don't own the Zombies Survival Guide or whatever ((my brother does)).

I'm sure I'll write extensively on this book's sheer awesomenss.

Good Day.