Love in the Time of *Snore*

Right, so reading this book took longer than I had originally anticipated. The last fifty pages were especially difficult to get through, simply because it was boring and I knew I was almost done. Knowing that I was fifty pages away from Pride and Prejudice and Zombies just made it harder to muddle through it.

But I did it. Thank you, God.

People try to categorize this book as a love story. Maybe I'm as deep as a mud puddle because I would have to whole heartedly disagree. I had some serious problems with the characters. For one, I found Fermina a snobbish, annoying bitch. She "fell in love" with Florentino because he knows how to write a love letter. When she catches her first look at him -- up close, not just a glimpse -- he's suddenly not good enough for her. Although, I would be a little turned off too if his eyes were alight with petrified love - or something like that. I don't think the word petrified should not be a modifier for love, thanks.

As for Florentino, he's just nuts. Seriously. Coo-COO for Co-Co Puffs. He wasn't so much in love with her as he was obsessed with her. And don't give me that crap about having 622 affairs in order to slake his lust - but his heart remained Fermina's. Bull. Shit. In truth, he fell in love with several women after Fermina -- and two of them died because of him.

In my opinion, the only victim in this novel (and that's a loosely used term) is Juvenal. One, because he has a name like Juvenal. Two, he married Fermina in hopes of falling in love with her. He obviously invested more into the relationship than she did. He did have asshole tendancies, though (ie: his single affair in fifty years of marriage), but some things can be excused since he married a twit like Fermina (not the affair, though, that's inexcusable).

Ok, ok, so maybe Leona is victim-esque in the novel, as well. She was one of the many women in love with Florentino, but the only one who he didn't get to sleep with - and not because he didn't try. She refused his ass for reasons that I'm not certain about, but whatever, because I'm proud of her.

By the way, I'm pretty sure Florentino was a pedophile. If you use the phrase "dickey-bird" whilst trying to seduce a 14-year-old (and you're 80), then I'd say you need some serious counselling. I guess that didn't really have that back then.

The ending was really good, though. I did appreciate it because it was an allusion to something Fermina had said a little earlier in the novel. Disregarding my dislike for the characters, the style it was written in, and the epic run-ons, this novel had some really amazing pieces of awesome that I bracketed in pen throughout. Mostly it's just the way Marquez described something, an analogy he used, or just something I read that made me think: I wish I could write like that.

At any rate, I really am glad I read it despite all the bad things I said about it. I don't think, however, I'll be reading anything else by Mr. Gabriel Garcia Marquez.